Halloween, my favorite holiday of the year. Let us celebrate our demons and cast spells late into the night. I like to dress up my front yard like a cemetery, with headstones and scary goblins. I dim the orange lights down just enough not to scare away the little kids. They don’t see the dismembered dead woman’s body until they are right up on the porch and by that time they are mine. The screaming little high pitched voices thrill me and make the hair on my arm stand on end.
I like to try new ways to lure them into the house without having to snatch them. They drop the candy and yell, I don’t like the attention. I used to smoke and would have one hanging out of my mouth when they knocked and I would offer them one from the box. Some would make the final error of their lives by stepping over the threshold and entering my world. I had an automatic door closer put on. It closes fast and doesn’t open without the pass code. It’s fun. But now I vape and not enough kids know about e-cigs yet so I have my other tricks.
Here is a photo my tree cam took of one of those pesky little fast ones that almost got away.
My new trick is putting on the oven and squeezing a few drops of vanilla in the bottom of the pan. The aroma is intoxicating to children. I tell them I am cooking cupcakes. “Please come in they are coming out of the oven right now, come take a hot fresh one.”
The door slams. I spray them with a chloro mix that puts them right to sleep. I turn off the porch lights . I drag my new guests into the kitchen.
I sure am hungry!